Thursday, January 22, 2009

More Answers.....or More Confusion?

Visited with the doctor today to find out just what happened medically to cause all of this. I think my explosion buzzwords for today are "It may have been...."

Maybe that is all that he can give us, but we want so much more. We want something to be able to is what happened, we can make sure it doesn't happen again.

So we keep day at a time.

Monday, January 12, 2009


First, let me say that we both miss Luke as much, if not more, than we did 2 weeks ago, but somehow, someway we find a way to work, and keep the house, and try to sleep...but it is not easy, and we both wonder if it ever will be.

As for the title of this entry, it covers a lot.

First, the reaction of friends and family. Humbling would be the best word I can use to describe it. First of all, I have to give special thanks to my sister. When everything was breaking down that Sunday morning, I simply had to ask her, Please come to Athens. No other words or explanation were necessary. I will never be able to repay what she meant to me that day. The rest of our families have been just as wonderful, crying with us when that was what we needed, and giving us strength at other times.

The reaction of friends has been more than we ever would have believed. I really don't want to leave anyone out, but I do have to give thanks to our Sunday School class. Even those who we have not been as close to as others have done more than we would have ever asked. We finally had to just insist that we did know how to cook, and that it WAS possible for us to prepare a meal on our own. The Hubertys have done whatever we asked, and Ron and Tanya (especially Tanya those first days) will forever have special places in our hearts.

But one reaction is beginning to wear on us. We have had too many people tell us that they know what we are feeling. And, while some do....others think they do because they had a pregnancy end at 8 weeks. They, however, did not have to have a child, who kicks and punches and wiggles; and you just have to sit there and hold, knowing there is nothing that can be done. For those who tell us, or anyone in our situation, that they don't know what to say, or don't have the right have said EXACTLY what needs to be said.

Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers during these difficult times.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

Questions with no answers

I hope that writing about Luke will bring me some comfort. I think about him constantly and just do not know how to move on. I need answers, but I know we may never have answers.

Was Luke's pre-mature labor caused by my high blood pressure. So far that is the only answer the doctor has for us. I had my last regular check-up with the doctor on December 24th. My blood pressure was a little high, but the doctor was not very concerned and planned to see me the following Monday. Now I am questioning my doctor and wondering if he should have done more on the 24th.

I know I have to stay strong in my faith, but right now God is the last person I want to talk to about this. How do I go to God right now when the only thing I want is to have my baby back in my arms?