Life has slowly begun returning back to normal. Part of me does not want to move on. I know I cannot grieve and mourn the loss of my son forever, but I don't want to move on without him either. For my family's sake, though, I am doing as much as I can to move on while still remembering Luke.
We have been receiving good news concerning the medical aspect of all this. My former doctor told us he really didn't know what caused Luke's premature birth. Even when I gave him specific causes, he'd rule them all out. So we sought a second opinion. My new doctor thinks he knows exactly what caused Luke's premature birth and can prevent it (or at least try to) in any future pregnancies if we decide to try to have another baby.
I still have fears about this happening again and worry so much about the future. I am trying so hard to give my worries and fears to God. I know I have to allow Him control of all aspects of my life.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Anniversary Celebration
We attended the 50th anniversary celebration of our church this past Sunday. The service was great with all the former pastors speaking and wonderful music. There was a reception following the service in the gym. The church had one room filled with pictures and displays with all the church history. Then we walked down the hallway that connected this room and the gym and noticed the names and pictures of deceased church members. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised as we came to the next to the last one and Trey said, "There's one for Luke."
I am so grateful for my church family. Luke's life was important and it did matter.
I am so grateful for my church family. Luke's life was important and it did matter.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wish you were here
Listen to the first song playing on our music player or read the lyrics below.
This is a Contemporary Christian song by Mark Harris that I've heard countless number of times. It's never really touched me until I heard it yesterday morning. I actually listened to the lyrics and felt so close to Luke. I have no doubt that he is in heaven and he'd be saying these things to me if he could.
Over the past few weeks, one of the things I have said over and over to myself and to Trey is that I just want my baby back. I want him here with me. This song reminds me that he wants to be with me as well. But he is in a much better place waiting on me to get there.
The pain is still here. And I still miss Luke more than anything else. But I am starting to feel a small bit of peace and comfort that only God can provide.
Wish You Were Here lyrics:
Verse 1
I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we've had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free
Chorus:
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
Verse 2
Now don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for His hands
And one day they'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally Free
Finally Free
Chorus
I wish you were here 2x
Bridge
And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
Chorus 2x
I wish you were here 3x
This is a Contemporary Christian song by Mark Harris that I've heard countless number of times. It's never really touched me until I heard it yesterday morning. I actually listened to the lyrics and felt so close to Luke. I have no doubt that he is in heaven and he'd be saying these things to me if he could.
Over the past few weeks, one of the things I have said over and over to myself and to Trey is that I just want my baby back. I want him here with me. This song reminds me that he wants to be with me as well. But he is in a much better place waiting on me to get there.
The pain is still here. And I still miss Luke more than anything else. But I am starting to feel a small bit of peace and comfort that only God can provide.
Wish You Were Here lyrics:
Verse 1
I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we've had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free
Chorus:
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
Verse 2
Now don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for His hands
And one day they'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally Free
Finally Free
Chorus
I wish you were here 2x
Bridge
And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
Chorus 2x
I wish you were here 3x
Thursday, January 22, 2009
More Answers.....or More Confusion?
Visited with the doctor today to find out just what happened medically to cause all of this. I think my explosion buzzwords for today are "It may have been...."
Maybe that is all that he can give us, but we want so much more. We want something to be able to say....here is what happened, we can make sure it doesn't happen again.
So we keep going...one day at a time.
Maybe that is all that he can give us, but we want so much more. We want something to be able to say....here is what happened, we can make sure it doesn't happen again.
So we keep going...one day at a time.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Reactions
First, let me say that we both miss Luke as much, if not more, than we did 2 weeks ago, but somehow, someway we find a way to work, and keep the house, and try to sleep...but it is not easy, and we both wonder if it ever will be.
As for the title of this entry, it covers a lot.
First, the reaction of friends and family. Humbling would be the best word I can use to describe it. First of all, I have to give special thanks to my sister. When everything was breaking down that Sunday morning, I simply had to ask her, Please come to Athens. No other words or explanation were necessary. I will never be able to repay what she meant to me that day. The rest of our families have been just as wonderful, crying with us when that was what we needed, and giving us strength at other times.
The reaction of friends has been more than we ever would have believed. I really don't want to leave anyone out, but I do have to give thanks to our Sunday School class. Even those who we have not been as close to as others have done more than we would have ever asked. We finally had to just insist that we did know how to cook, and that it WAS possible for us to prepare a meal on our own. The Hubertys have done whatever we asked, and Ron and Tanya (especially Tanya those first days) will forever have special places in our hearts.
But one reaction is beginning to wear on us. We have had too many people tell us that they know what we are feeling. And, while some do....others think they do because they had a pregnancy end at 8 weeks. They, however, did not have to have a child, who kicks and punches and wiggles; and you just have to sit there and hold, knowing there is nothing that can be done. For those who tell us, or anyone in our situation, that they don't know what to say, or don't have the right words....you have said EXACTLY what needs to be said.
Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers during these difficult times.
Trey
As for the title of this entry, it covers a lot.
First, the reaction of friends and family. Humbling would be the best word I can use to describe it. First of all, I have to give special thanks to my sister. When everything was breaking down that Sunday morning, I simply had to ask her, Please come to Athens. No other words or explanation were necessary. I will never be able to repay what she meant to me that day. The rest of our families have been just as wonderful, crying with us when that was what we needed, and giving us strength at other times.
The reaction of friends has been more than we ever would have believed. I really don't want to leave anyone out, but I do have to give thanks to our Sunday School class. Even those who we have not been as close to as others have done more than we would have ever asked. We finally had to just insist that we did know how to cook, and that it WAS possible for us to prepare a meal on our own. The Hubertys have done whatever we asked, and Ron and Tanya (especially Tanya those first days) will forever have special places in our hearts.
But one reaction is beginning to wear on us. We have had too many people tell us that they know what we are feeling. And, while some do....others think they do because they had a pregnancy end at 8 weeks. They, however, did not have to have a child, who kicks and punches and wiggles; and you just have to sit there and hold, knowing there is nothing that can be done. For those who tell us, or anyone in our situation, that they don't know what to say, or don't have the right words....you have said EXACTLY what needs to be said.
Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers during these difficult times.
Trey
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Questions with no answers
I hope that writing about Luke will bring me some comfort. I think about him constantly and just do not know how to move on. I need answers, but I know we may never have answers.
Was Luke's pre-mature labor caused by my high blood pressure. So far that is the only answer the doctor has for us. I had my last regular check-up with the doctor on December 24th. My blood pressure was a little high, but the doctor was not very concerned and planned to see me the following Monday. Now I am questioning my doctor and wondering if he should have done more on the 24th.
I know I have to stay strong in my faith, but right now God is the last person I want to talk to about this. How do I go to God right now when the only thing I want is to have my baby back in my arms?
Was Luke's pre-mature labor caused by my high blood pressure. So far that is the only answer the doctor has for us. I had my last regular check-up with the doctor on December 24th. My blood pressure was a little high, but the doctor was not very concerned and planned to see me the following Monday. Now I am questioning my doctor and wondering if he should have done more on the 24th.
I know I have to stay strong in my faith, but right now God is the last person I want to talk to about this. How do I go to God right now when the only thing I want is to have my baby back in my arms?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Luke Eugene
My baby boy, Luke Eugene, was born on December 28th at 12:48 pm. He weighed 1 lb, 2 oz and was 12 inches long. We were able to hold him and love him for about 30 minutes before he went to be with the Lord. I know I am biased, but he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.
Our friend, Robyn, took the picture of us with Luke shortly after his birth. I am so thankful she thought to bring a camera to the hospital to capture this picture and many more. I will cherish these pictures for the rest of my life.
In the days to come, I may share more about Luke's birth. But for now, I just wanted to introduce him to you. Please pray for our family. I'm not quite sure how we will get through this other than prayers and support from our friends and family.
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